Back to School

Yesterday is my son Ethan (6 yrs old) 1st day back to school. He is in 1st grade this year.
I am not too worry about him at school because he was going well last year at kindergarden.
I am more worry about how he feels about the changed in his family affects his social / school life.
You know, he might feel upsad about his father is not picking him up after school.
May be I am worrying too much, too soon.
That's me, I always worries too much, too soon.

放棄

引自"技安"的 blog...很有共鳴

一個女孩子在電郵上說，她和相戀四年的男朋友分手，
因為她愛上了另一個男人，可惜這個男人很花心，
她只是他其中一個女朋友，她愛得很辛苦，卻捨不得放手。

她問自己，放棄一個很愛她的男人而去愛一個不愛他的男人，這是錯的嗎？
她放棄一個很愛他的男人，但她不愛他，既然如此，何必後悔？
你不愛他，他多麼愛你，他待你多麼好，他的條件多麼的優秀，也是徒然的。
自己不要的東西，為什麼還要可惜呢？
既然你甘心情願放棄，你就沒資格可惜。

他曾是那麼慷慨地等待你，他本來是你的，你自己選擇不要，
那就永遠不要可惜，反正你對他已經沒有以往的感覺。
世上有很多東西是可以挽回的，譬如良知，譬如體重，
但是不可挽回的東西更多，譬如舊夢，譬如歲月，譬如對一個人的感覺。

你曾經愛過他，但是那份感覺已經逝去了，無論多麼努力也是無法挽回的。
放棄一個很愛你的人並不痛苦；放棄一個你很愛的人，那才痛苦；
愛上一個不愛你的人，那是同樣痛苦。
也許你還年輕，等你年老一點，你就不會那麼笨，
放棄一個愛你的人而去愛一個不愛你的人，
那時你已經沒有太多青春去追尋一個遙不可及的夢。

*************************************************
我仍然愛他, 但是時侯放棄了.

Dark Friday

What will you do if you know the truth? The ugly truth that you seek for so long and you finally see it yourself tonight...
I thought I care, I will be heart broken or even wants to kill myself.
But, today I see them accidentally. I seen him who I loved with another women who's a wife of somebody else.
Yes, I know they are together for a long time. Tonight seeing them together doesn't hurt the way I thought it would be. I have no emotion of what I saw. I didn't cry, I should but nothing come out from my eyes. If it were happen in the past, I think I would lost it and gone crazy. Catch them on the act and yell at them.
No, I didn't do anything. Why? Do I not love him anymore? I guess I don't. After all the lies, hurtful words, and abandon. I think I should realize he does not deserve my love.
I guess today is arranged by faith, I need to see what I expected for so long and believed that...
It is over. I need to end this marriage for good.

Aug 23, 06

I felt better today...only because my doctor make me realized
"I CAN do it, I NEED to be STRONG for my children. NOT HIM"

I am still emotionally connected to my husband who betrayed me, our marriage and our children.
He refused to face the world, his children, me and himself.

However, I forgave him even everyone else told me it is ok to hate him and forget him.

It is tough being alone, I hate this feeling and I felt for him;
I don't want him to feel abandon AGAIN, like when he was little...

My Feeling

I finally decided to create my own Blog...
I lost...my love, my marriage, my goal and my dream.

I tried to be strong BUT I can't.

I failed to be a daughter, a wife and a mother.

I don't know what to do in my life no more.