Beach bit bitch: 聽見.......便

Beach bit bitch: 聽見.......便

Like this post very much, got me think again!

Why so hard on me?

I am just try to make up what I own my sons by not giving them a complete family to grow up.
I am just try to restart my life over.
Why I always be the one to give him choices?
Why I have to be the one that suffer? Why they need to be scare when we fight?

I am so unhappy and I can't find a way out.
I just want some time to be alone, by myself at my home. Why is that a lot to ask?
How can that be selfish? How can that be not care about my sons?
Why I have to leave my house because he can't provide a place for them to spent the day?
Where can I go? I have no friends. I can't go to my family coz I am scare, embarrass of my divorce. Where did he wants me to go? Where can I go?
All I have left is this house, my two sons and my dignity.

May be I can never forget how my marriage is ruin, how everyone else but me can be happy again and do whatever they want.
I am done here. I don't want to deal with him ever again. I am really tired. I am done with this man. I am being hurt enough. I don't want to know and I don't care. If I had a choice, I will end it so nobody will be hurt, not even my two sons.

Faith

Faith determine your life!

When you think you have reached the lowest point of your life and everything will become better. But there is another bad luck following you.
I just want to start over and focus on my two sons, raise them and watch them growth.

However, FAITH is playing a game with you. It needs to test my courage again and again.
It wants to see whether I am tough enough to win again this time.
This time, I have no confidence myself and try to control the unexpected.
It could be a long and painful experience to fight for a better health.
I needed to be healthy and strong to raise my sons.
My job is not done and I can't just leave them now.
I am all they have got now. I am just worry about them what if...something happen to me!

Hmm...

Another sad day, angry and argue out of nothing.
I just want respect, a peace of mind. I really don't want to see him that often.
Did he leave me any choice? None. Sometime, I felt like he is punishing me.
He will just remind me of how he betrayed our marriage. He remind me of how happy he is now with another women. Very selfish and irresponsible behavior.
I think I hate him, I really think it is beyond the feeling of betrayal. He destroyed my life and my dream by keep reminding me how bad and shameless he can be. He still think he had done nothing wrong up to now. He has no responsibility on break up our marriage. At least, he thinks I am still blaming him for everything that went wrong in this marriage. It was me push him away to that women. B.S. He works so hard on this affair, he made this happened.

Now, all I asks for is space and time for me to heal. No, I will never get this little respect. Because I have no right to ask for any now since we separated. He thinks I am nothing to him. All he cares is someone else.
I can't ignore my sons rights to see their father but it is not so pleasant and health for me to see him every week.
I am tried of this, the argue, angry towards him.
I thought I will have a break from him since he moved out. But quantity doesn't matters, quality is the key. It still hurts so much and painful after everytime we argued.
I am really tried mentally and physically. I really want it over. Everything need to be over.