I wishes someone tell me what REAL LOVE is all about.
How would you feel when you see someone you love cheating on you, again and again? What will you do?
Why I have to see someone like him weeks after weeks and he still have no shame of what he does? I really don't want to see him anymore but he didn't give me a choice. Why after all this, he can't give me some time and space to heal the lost of my marriage? I decided to get a divorce but is that mean he will be out of my life. No, he will always be their fathers. I will always see him when he comes to visit the kids.
I just want to start my life over. They got what they wanted and be happy. How about me?
Does anyone care about how I feel? I want to live my life. I want to forget the bad memories, the betrayal.
Please have mercy and give me a chance.
I might not have a lot of time now, I want to be strong for my kids.
I need to be healthy, this is all I want.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
悶? 倦?
點解人要有人陪先唔會悶?
一個人都可以活得很好?
人最雖要是親人, 朋友, 情人, 老公(婆), 孩子, 定是自己?
沒有了男友, 可以找另一個;
老公給別人搶了, 我可以怎樣?
小孩子沒有了爸爸, 我如何向他們交代?
當我好似擁有一切時, 上天就要給你一個又一個的考驗.
婚變, 疾病, 自己情緒受到困擾, 沒法接受婚變這事實.
我真的不知可以撐幾耐, 我好倦!
一個人都可以活得很好?
人最雖要是親人, 朋友, 情人, 老公(婆), 孩子, 定是自己?
沒有了男友, 可以找另一個;
老公給別人搶了, 我可以怎樣?
小孩子沒有了爸爸, 我如何向他們交代?
當我好似擁有一切時, 上天就要給你一個又一個的考驗.
婚變, 疾病, 自己情緒受到困擾, 沒法接受婚變這事實.
我真的不知可以撐幾耐, 我好倦!
Monday, September 11, 2006
911 and me
It will just be one of billions post in today's blogs world about September 11.
I was in Chicago, Illinois when this happened. I dropped the baby down to my baby sitter and went to work. I remember I just start that new job for about one month. Everything was so new to me, including co-workers, no friends at all.
I saw the 2nd plane hit the building on TV, I was speechless. The only thing in my mind was - I must let my husband know that we are ok in US. I can't let him worried about us. However, phones were not working, so as email. We finally get to contact each other later at night. I has tears in my eyes ( I cries easy) but that was real tears from I still have my family although apart but alive.
But look at today, 5 years later. Things changed so as people mind and heart.
My husband don't love me anymore. He met someone at work about 2 years ago, from friendship to betrayal on our marriages (yes, she has a husband too).
We struggled to save our marriage for about 1 years. I know he is not committed to save our marriage. I lost him forever.
As of now, we are separated and waiting to divorce.
It hurts so bad. I had enough on his lies and wrong accuse of me.
I need to be strong for my 2 sons.
I choose to leave him for good, but I felt guilt for my sons. I still do.
I was in Chicago, Illinois when this happened. I dropped the baby down to my baby sitter and went to work. I remember I just start that new job for about one month. Everything was so new to me, including co-workers, no friends at all.
I saw the 2nd plane hit the building on TV, I was speechless. The only thing in my mind was - I must let my husband know that we are ok in US. I can't let him worried about us. However, phones were not working, so as email. We finally get to contact each other later at night. I has tears in my eyes ( I cries easy) but that was real tears from I still have my family although apart but alive.
But look at today, 5 years later. Things changed so as people mind and heart.
My husband don't love me anymore. He met someone at work about 2 years ago, from friendship to betrayal on our marriages (yes, she has a husband too).
We struggled to save our marriage for about 1 years. I know he is not committed to save our marriage. I lost him forever.
As of now, we are separated and waiting to divorce.
It hurts so bad. I had enough on his lies and wrong accuse of me.
I need to be strong for my 2 sons.
I choose to leave him for good, but I felt guilt for my sons. I still do.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
一把掌
堆積了好耐的憤怒, 怨 , 痛, 今晚就因為一把掌而完結了.
十二年的感情, 話變就變 . 好恐怖 .
由其對於我, 一個對愛情從一而忠, 充滿潼境的人 .
這樣的完結...好可惜, 但又似是最好的.
最遺憾是我的二個兒子, 失去父親的愛.
十二年的感情, 話變就變 . 好恐怖 .
由其對於我, 一個對愛情從一而忠, 充滿潼境的人 .
這樣的完結...好可惜, 但又似是最好的.
最遺憾是我的二個兒子, 失去父親的愛.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Birthday?
Birthday???
- only meaningful if someone you care remember and celebrate with you
- can be hurtful if you know it means nothing to him
Do I care? I don't, but today, I can't forgot because the memories was too painful to forget.
He will be so happy and all over her all night, sleeping together, getting what he wants for so long and be happy forever.
Did he care how I feel tonight? No!
How would you feel? Knowing your husband sleeping with another women (someone else's wife)!
Should I end my life because I have no way out, I can't take it no more emotionally?
I am stuck, he won't divorce nor admits that they are having an affair.
What is this? Unfaithful marriages, cheating on your wife and her husband, revenge on me and the kids. He might thinks I know nothing, WRONG, I knew it all along, even before.
Yes, he might thinks he finds NEW LOVE? Even he is still married, with ME and he has no shame to say that out loud... NEW LOVE. We are still married and be a man to admit that he is having an affair and give me a divorce. Set me free.
I wants to be strong but I might just...End it. I am hurt.
- only meaningful if someone you care remember and celebrate with you
- can be hurtful if you know it means nothing to him
Do I care? I don't, but today, I can't forgot because the memories was too painful to forget.
He will be so happy and all over her all night, sleeping together, getting what he wants for so long and be happy forever.
Did he care how I feel tonight? No!
How would you feel? Knowing your husband sleeping with another women (someone else's wife)!
Should I end my life because I have no way out, I can't take it no more emotionally?
I am stuck, he won't divorce nor admits that they are having an affair.
What is this? Unfaithful marriages, cheating on your wife and her husband, revenge on me and the kids. He might thinks I know nothing, WRONG, I knew it all along, even before.
Yes, he might thinks he finds NEW LOVE? Even he is still married, with ME and he has no shame to say that out loud... NEW LOVE. We are still married and be a man to admit that he is having an affair and give me a divorce. Set me free.
I wants to be strong but I might just...End it. I am hurt.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
金三顺的哲学道理
Quoted from "novie noviez"'s blog
Linked-http://noviez.blogspot.com/I watched that Korean TV series too. It is funny yet sad on her theory about relationship.
金三顺的哲学道理
- 有一位写小说的作家，这位作家每晚都会写封信，放在老公的书桌前后再入睡，那么早上丈夫起来后，会看完那封信再上班，每天早上丈夫就成为妻子所作文章的第一个读者。我会把我自己做的第一个蛋糕给真贤吃的，我能做到的最好吃的蛋糕，我都想给他做来吃，像这样，我爱着真贤。
- 这有多难？喜欢就是喜欢，不喜欢就是不喜欢，为什么要那么复杂？
- 有 一天身子问心：我要是痛了，医生会给我治；你痛了，谁来给你治啊？于是心说：我只能自己给自己治。也许就因为这样，每个人都有一个治疗心中伤痛的方法。喝 酒、唱歌、发火、或哭、或笑、跟朋友诉苦、去旅行、跑马拉松，最差的一种方法是逃避这种心痛。我的治疗方法是：像这样快要到清晨的时候，烤蛋糕和饼干。爸 爸突然离我而去的时候，火一般的恋情结束的时候，受到侮辱的时候，都会在凌晨到工作室做蛋糕。用那时的香味安慰自己。世上还有比这更甜美的治疗法吗？
- 去爱吧，像不曾受过一次伤一样
跳舞吧，像没有人欣赏一样
唱歌吧，像没有任何人聆听一样
干活吧，像不需要钱一样
生活吧，像今天是末日一样
~ That is when both of them are deeply in love; otherwise no matter how many letters she wrote, he won't brother to open and read it. It is because they care about each others, that's also what I think "LOVE IS ALL ABOUT" !!!
~ Only if love can be this direct and emotionless. Who needs to be in love?
~ I am still finding a way to heal myself.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Matthew 2nd Birthday
It is a little late, finally I know how to post a picture.
Here are my sons - Ethan and Matthew.
These are taken at Matthew's 2 years old birthday.
Is he cute or not?
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