What will you do if you know the truth? The ugly truth that you seek for so long and you finally see it yourself tonight...
I thought I care, I will be heart broken or even wants to kill myself.
But, today I see them accidentally. I seen him who I loved with another women who's a wife of somebody else.
Yes, I know they are together for a long time. Tonight seeing them together doesn't hurt the way I thought it would be. I have no emotion of what I saw. I didn't cry, I should but nothing come out from my eyes. If it were happen in the past, I think I would lost it and gone crazy. Catch them on the act and yell at them.
No, I didn't do anything. Why? Do I not love him anymore? I guess I don't. After all the lies, hurtful words, and abandon. I think I should realize he does not deserve my love.
I guess today is arranged by faith, I need to see what I expected for so long and believed that...
It is over. I need to end this marriage for good.
2 comments:
hi, hope this finds you well. i got here somehow from reading unkle beach's blog. just want to say a few words, for what it's worth.
from my own experiences and observing friends':
- being betrayed is never your fault. you are the strong one.
the person who harms you only thinks of himself. he's the only
failure in the equation. he thinks he has a problem and he'll grab the quickest solution before his eyes -- even if it becomes poison to those who already love him. the pain and hurt he causes are secondary to a "quick fix" he's
looking for. betrayal is about immaturity and irresponsible,
short-sightedness. if he grows up one day and realizes the damage and wrong he's done, then fine -- but you will have moved on with your life. one person's selfish, destructive behavior cannot drag everyone down with him -- other people have to survive for themselves.
- you've had a life before marriage, you can find a new one
again after it. yes, it's easier said than done, but the marriage structure and traditional gender roles have a way to mislead women into underestimating their own strengths. i hope you're finding solid support from your friends, other family, doctor etc. to brave the storms. you're just putting
up a huge tent of umbrella over those who need protection now, and the rainstorm WILL stop. just stay focused day by day, one thing at a time. smile, see your inner beauty and strength (the fact you're even dealing with this articulately means you ARE great), the beauty and strength to live and be happy in your kids, friends, the people you admire in the world. the healthy people can be wounded and recover, those who bury their heads in the sand through betrayal are the long-term, even terminal, patients of their own illness.
- be angry, frustrated, hurt, sad, cry. give the grieving process
some time, then stop it. there's a beginning and end to everything, most of all life. and now it's a whole new stage, you will find new ways (mixed in with the old) to live and be happy, healthy, strong, love and be loved again.
- betrayal makes you a stronger woman, person. the next time
you open your heart, you are older, wiser, see people and things with more insight and wisdom.
cheers, and lots of love and best wishes.
edmame,
I don't know who you are but everything you told me so far touch my heart.
I guess my decision of creating my blog is right. I don't believe in blog before. I felt my privacy is wide open to everyone.
Since I am a fan of the radio show "He-she-hit", I know unkle beach then know about his blog. Checking it out a couple times leave a couple comments. Then finally create my own blog.
Agreed to most of the things you said. All my friends and family told me I shouldn't blame myself. I am trying, believed me, I really am.
It only takes time...to heal a wound after 12 years of loving someone.
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